


Take Him And Spread Him Amongst The Stars

by Persona_Non_Grata



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AU, Angst, Canon Divergence, Coran is the best space uncle, F/M, Female pronouns for Pidge, Haggar is a bitch, Hallucinations, How Do I Tag, Hunk is a good bro, Lance is fucked up, Lotor is good, M/M, My First Work, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Consensual Kissing, Non-Consensual Touching, Non-Consensual Violence, PINING KEITH, Torture, allura is a raging bitch, because druid magic, because fuck season 8, blue is a Good Mom™, but not really, haven't figured it out yet, keith is very confused, kind of?, klance is everywhere, lance is a mess, like major major angst, maybe alutor, oh god is anyone going to read this?, romelle will appear, sometime, sprinkles of shatt and shadam, white/black torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-17 13:42:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18966409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Persona_Non_Grata/pseuds/Persona_Non_Grata
Summary: {Absquatulate: To leave without saying goodbye.}Lance is the seventh wheel, held in reserve until someone needs him, only to be placed on the shelf again.He is a doll in face, manner, and life.It isn't until Blue reveals her compatibility with Allura that Lance loses his only purpose, his only sense of meaning: Being the Paladin of the Blue Lion.But now, even that has been taken from him by more skilled, capable hands.........or, Lance gets hit by druid magic, hallucinates his ass off, and is trapped in the Galra's hospitable care.meanwhile, the team is panicking, Keith has a fucking wake-up call, and Lotor is Up To Something™.





	Take Him And Spread Him Amongst The Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Eyyy my first post, i have no idea what i'm doing, blah blah blah, i love lotor and hate season 8 so canon divergence! yay! haven't figured out exactly where this fic is placed in the timeline, so..... yeahh.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS! BECAUSE TRIGGERS! FUCKING SUCK!
> 
> also keep in mind that this chapter is completely chronologically scrambled, but if you read it start to end it makes sense... kind of.

He didn’t remember much anymore.

 

He didn’t know who he was anymore.

 

His name blurred from his memories and danced out of reach, just like the shadows that were always laughing at him.

 

 _Did I ever exist?_ He thinks, trying to push back the shadows and reach through the blurred knowledge fading from his mind.

 

Blue colors swarmed his vision, a beautiful reprieve from the shadows. Silence met his ears, and he drowned himself in it, falling headfirst into the feeling of nothing and everything all at once.

 

Blue joined with Red, then Yellow and Green and Black and then they were all there, all the colors he needed and wanted and had to have, _(stay stay stay don’t leave me here with the darkness I don’t want to forget you-)_

 

But the colors always left him behind, and the darkness always swallowed him whole and laughed at his failure, his attempt at hope.

 

The colors would eventually stop coming, he knew. They would eventually leave him in the darkness with nothing and no one to save him from the shadows and the laughter in the dark.

 

* * *

 

 

Lance couldn’t breathe.

 

Or, at least, he thought he couldn’t. His chest was tight and the air was scarce, the heat settling into his bones and lighting his veins on fire.

 

The shadows had been chased away by the light, and they screamed in rage because they couldn’t reach him.

 

 _(fire, isn’t it fire?)_ that was licking and burning every inch of him, but it didn’t kill him, it didn’t stay with him, _(or maybe they were finally killing him, finally accepting that he isn’t worth anything to them-)_

 

Red danced in the fire, beautiful and pure, righteous fury and destructive hate burning away the shadows and choking the air.

 

But it could just be in his head, he knows.

 

_(god, does he know.)_

 

* * *

 

 

**Earth.**

**Remember Earth.**

 

Home; think of home, _(where is home?)_

 

Large blue planet interlaced with green, _(I have a home?),_ one dust-covered moon and one primary intelligent species.

 

An empty void decorated with stars, galaxies spinning in the distance and planets that hummed and glowed with life. A sense of duty, of purpose, dancing with beautiful colors and roaring in victory. Laughing with them all, loving all those different colors, _(I know them, I_ **_k_ ** _n_ **_o_ ** _w them, who are they, where are they, why aren’t they here-?)_

 

Salty oceans teeming with laughter and playfullness; hours spent on the beach with his family, _(so much happiness, so much joy, lovelovelovelove me, love me, please just love me-)_ hours in the sun as he danced through the waves and swam in the one place he knew he belonged.

 

Trying to float alongside the mission, to stay above the responsibility, to keep their Blue color, trying to help the others float as well, _(but we drowned, didn’t we? I sank to the bottom, and I’m still there, because n_ **_o_ ** _o_ **_n_ ** _e_ **_e_ ** _v_ **_e_ ** _r n_ **_o_ ** _t_ **_i_ ** _c_ **_e_ ** _d)._

 

* * *

 

 

He was running, bayard in hand and safety switched off because this was a mission, an easy mission,

 

 _Of course it was,_ he snarks to himself as he dodges blaster fire. Just had to pick the one planet with Galra on it, didn’t he?

 

“Dammit!” A cry in his ears and he ducked behind a smoking tree. “You okay?!” He exclaimed, hurriedly shooting back without much accuracy.

“I’m fine!” Came the reply, then the distant hiss of frustration running through his ears. A bolt nearly singed his shoulder, but he dodged easily enough, leaving his tree cover for another one that wasn’t on fire.

 

“How’s it coming?” He asked, even though he knew it wasn’t the best idea because they were rushed and it was complicated and oh _shit,_ more of them were showing up, dammit they needed to leave _five ticks ago-_

 

“Shut up!” She snarled, then laughter. “Ha! Got it!”

 

“Yes!” He cheered, giving off his position. They fired at him, and he fired back, then charged away, doing his best to keep his path unreadable.

 

* * *

 

 

Time was starting to become meaningless. That, or he was losing the sense of it.

 

_(He’d rather think he’d only been there for minutes, rather than the innumerable span of time it really was.)_

 

He sang to himself, alone in the darkness, trying to stave off the fear and loneliness.

 

Rhymes, poems, lullabies, songs from Earth, songs from home; he sang them all in an attempt to ignore the darkness creeping towards him.

 

* * *

 

 

He hissed in pain, trying to shift into a more comfortable position. His hands were bound; wonderful.

 

His brows furrowed as he inspected the simple cuffs around his wrists. With a bit of manipulation, he managed to dislocate one of his thumbs and free his hand. Muffling his scream, he bit his lip and waited for the pain to ebb away before he freed his other hand.

 

His hands free, he moved to the door opposite him and kicked the keypad until it sparked, smoked, and the door slid open.

 

The guard _(cause, of course, they’d put a guard at his door, he’s a paladin of Voltron)_ squawked in surprise, but Lance hit the blaster out of his hands and forced the guy into a headlock. Almost two minutes of struggling later, the Galran was out cold, and Lance threw the guy into his old cell with a smirk on his face.

 

Task finished, Lance picked up the blaster, set it to fire, and went left down the hallway.

 

_Now, to figure out where Pidge went._

 

* * *

 

 

**Where is Voltron?**

 

_Pain, pain, so much pain, he was screaming until he couldn’t scream anymore but they just kept going, kept poking and prodding and hurting him, always hurting him, dios please make it stop, stopstopstopstopstopstop-_

 

**Tell me where Voltron is!**

 

_A silver castle shooting into space, wandering amongst the stars as they trained and fought and bled for a universe they never knew, for the home they all loved and were determined to protect, to stop the horrors and the cruelty and injustice of a king that has lived for far too long-_

 

**If you tell me, the pain will stop.**

 

 _But the pain never stopped, it would never stop, nevernevernever, don’t tell them anything keep your mouth shut take the pain with a smile because you deserve it, this is all your fault, smile as you scream and bleed and slowly die because you’re replaceable, y_ **_o_ ** _u’_ **_v_ ** _e_ **_a_ ** _l_ **_w_ ** _a_ **_y_ ** _s_ **_b_ ** _e_ **_e_ ** _n_ **_r_ ** _e_ **_p_ ** _l_ **_a_ ** _c_ **_e_ ** _a_ **_b_ ** _l_ **_e_ ** _-_

 

**Continue.**

 

_They pulled him up, he gasped for air and coughed the water out, he saw blood drip into the basin, (that’s normal, that’s fine, he’s always bleeding anyways, they never fail strap him down and give him more and then start all over again-)_

 

**Where.**

 

 _pain, PAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAIN_ **_PAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAIN_ ** _-_

 

**Is.**

 

 **_-PAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAIN_ ** _PAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAinpainpa...in-!_

 

**_Voltron?_ **

 

_He shook his head and gasped for air, but then they shoved him under and water shot down his nose, down his throat, into his lungs and he couldn’t breathe,_

**_I_ ** _c_ **_a_ ** _n’_ **_t b_ ** _r_ **_e_ ** _a_ **_t_ ** _h_ **_e-_ **

_And then he could and they threw him to the ground, (he shivered from the cold, from the pain, oh god oh dios por favor solo matame,_ **_d_ ** _e_ **_j_ ** _a_ **_m_ ** _e_ **_m_ ** _o_ **_r_ ** _i_ **_r_ ** _-!)_

 

**TELL ME!**

 

OH GOD _PLEase_ stop it stopitstopitstopit _stopit_ **_please-_ **

 

 **If you don’t tell me, they will** **_die._ **

 

_(blue eyes glazed with pain widening with horror as blood oozed from his wounds, but he still had enough of his mind that he couldn’t, he wouldn’t let that happen-)_

 

 _Please don’t hurt them don’t hurt them hurt me instead leave them alone, don’t you_ **_f_ ** _u_ **_c_ ** _k_ **_i_ ** _n_ **_g_ ** _t_ **_o_ ** _u_ **_c_ ** _h_ **_t_ ** _h_ **_e_ ** _m_ **_-!_ **

 

**_She was laughing, laughing as he was saving them-_ **

 

_(But he wasn’t saving them, he was dooming them,_

_shutupshutupshutupSHUT_ **_UP-!_ ** _)_

 

* * *

 

 

“Es..estrilla, ¿donde esta~s?”

 

He sang, voice cracking and hoarse from screaming. _(He could feel her begin to realize, to become angry, and brace yourself, brace yourself-)_

 

They drove nails into his bones, his skin, his stomach,

 

“Q-qui~ero verte aaaaaAAAAAAA **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!**

...a... ti bri~llaaaaa~r.”

 

fed him rotten scraps and poison,

 

“Essssta no~che alli est~ar~as; cuAL DIAMENTE BILLARAS, ESTRILLA, ¿DO **NDE ESTAA** A **A** a **a** a~as…………”

 

burned holes into his oozing wounds,

 

“Quie…ro verte……a ti~ brill~ar…”

 

no one was coming, he was on his own, they abandoned him, they left him to **_d_ ** _i_ **_e_ ** _,_

 

“Es muy tarde, el sol se va…”

 

She laughed, a cruel sound that caused him to flinch and curl into himself as best he could because laughter meant pain, pain was _bad, badbadbadb_ **_adbadbadbadbad-_ **

 

“Ya la no...che lle~gar~a, ven a- aqui a ilu~mina~r... br~illa, br~illa sin par~ar.”

 

_(Forever, forever, he’s been with these people forever, they never feed him he’s so hungry, sososo hungry please, please feed me, feed me feed me feed me-)_

 

“Estrilla, ¿don~de estas...? Quie~ro verte a ti brill~ar...”

 

* * *

 

 

He scowled, scanning his surroundings as best he could. The room was small, floor a dark silver that was cold to the touch.

It was about the size of his bathroom at home, which caused a small pang in his heart, but he pushed it away and focused on the chains wrapped around both his feet and hands--

 

* * *

 

Darkness.

 

Void.

Black.

Emptiness.

 

There was nothing there, nothing there in the dark.

He was part of that nothing, part of the void.

 

Pieces of himself drifted in and out of focus. He tried to reach them, once, but they always remained out of reach.

 

He doesn’t know his name.

He doesn’t know what he looks like.

He doesn’t remember what he used to be; the colors he once shone with.

 

* * *

 

 

\--the shackles weren’t cold, so that ruled out metal. Whatever it was made out of was surprisingly light, almost like plastic or paper, but tugging on them revealed no results.

 

He wriggled into a better position and tried sinking his teeth into it; he was pretty sure his teeth chipped, not the shackles.

 

“Shit,” he hissed as he sank into a more comfortable position on the floor.

 

* * *

 

 

He’d been re-captured by the Galra.

 

Wonderful.

 

 _At least Pidge got away,_ he told himself in an attempt to cling to a silver lining.

 

 

* * *

 

There’s a name, he can’t remember it, he has to remember it, it’s important, come on come on **r** e **m** e **m** b **e** r **-**

 

**Trying to escape? I’ll make you regret it.**

 

Light is bad, bad in the dark, bad in the light, ( _which one is safer, which one is better?)_

 

**Do you understand, little paladin? You’re never getting out of here.**

 

Escape is bad, badbadbad, don’t leave, leaving is pain, pain is bad _(pain is good, yesyesyes pain means food, hungry hungry hungry sososo hungry-)_

Thrown into the light, screaming and screaming, they beat him again and again and **a** g **a** i **n** ,

 

**You’re going to die here, little paladin.**

 

He’s never getting out of here, _(but where is here?)_

 

* * *

 

 

“Little star, where are you? I want to see you shine.”

 

_(the sound escaped his lips, and he didn’t know where it was from or what it meant but if it helped him escape the emptiness for just a moment, he would take that moment and love it with all that remained.)_

 

“Tonight you will be there, like a diamond you will shine.”

 

_(Noise, it was everywhere, it was everything and everyone and he curled into the darkness, trying to hide from the noise and the anger and the battles outside.)_

 

“Little star, where are you?”

 

 _(Then the darkness was gone, chased away by light and color, so many colors and different shades and hues that it hurt his eyes,_ **_h_ ** _u_ **_r_ ** _t_ **_h_ ** _i_ **_m_ ** _because he couldn’t remember his own color anymore-)_

 

“I want to see you shine.”

 

_(Large and yellow, small and green, running to his side and pulling him to his feet._

_He didn’t understand them, couldn’t comprehend the words leaving their mouths as they spoke a language long stolen from him._

_He curls into a ball and prepares for the pain, for the misery and agony that’s sure to come-)_

 

 _“_ It’s very late; the sun is leaving.”

 

_(They stopped, looking at him with unreadable expressions decorating their faces. Part of him didn’t understand, at first, why they were looking at him like that, but then he realized words were leaving his mouth again.)_

 

“Soon the night will arrive.”

 

_(The Yellow slowly eased their arms underneath him, and he clung to the noise escaping his mouth because they were gonna hurt him again, he doesn’t wanna get hurt again-)_

 

“Come here to shine,”

 

_(The Yellow was carrying him and the Green was hovering nervously, swirling words escaping them at a rapid pace. He merely laid in the Yellow’s grasp without a fight. They would start hurting him soon, he knew, and he wanted to relish the few moments he had before he started screaming again.)_

 

* * *

 

 

“shine, shine without stopping.”

 

_(She ran her clawed fingers through his blood-caked, matted hair, a possessive glint in her yellow eyes.)_

 

“Little star, where are you?”

 

_(Once, he would have struggled in her grasp, shuddered as her fingers slowly drifted through his hair, down his face and resting at his neck.)_

 

“I want to see you shine.”

 

 _(But struggling meant pain, and if nothing kept him safe, far from pain, then he would willingly do nothing,_ **_be_ ** _nothing forever._

_Anything to escape the pain.)_

 

* * *

 

 

**You are not escaping this place.**

 

**Your friends will not save you.**

 

**You are the weakest link; they should be pleased that you are gone.**

 

**_You are not escaping this place._ **

**Author's Note:**

> yay, you read my trash! depending on the hits, comments and kudos, i might post another chapter. if not, i'll just leave it as a one-shot and work on my other garbage.


End file.
